Actions and Consequences bla bla bla :)

Mistake - noun: an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgement caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc. (Dictionary.com)


I was constantly getting into trouble as a child. I was cheeky, hyper and messy: a drama queen who loved being the centre of attention from about three and upwards - perhaps not much has changed, I'm pretty short. I can't remember what my earliest mistakes were, as such, but they were usually shrugged off after a talking to or a "skelpt erse", depending on the severity of mistake. "Don't worry, it was an accident" - said to crying child. "Just don't let it happen again, okay?" Sombre nod. It wasn't so bad at that age, no matter how "bad" you had been. The worst mistake you could make was breaking something...or into the sweetie jar - a Rugrat-style mission that required the assistance of little brother and in turn, leading him astray...but your parents were there to pick up the pieces and tell you right from wrong. That said, it of course depended on the type of parents you had (authoritarian, authoritative and passive) and their views on right and wrong and subsequent punishment, not to mention their stress levels at the time. It was all one big cutesy learning curve: talking, walking, spelling mistakes; mistakes of ownership, sharing and what you were or were not allowed to do, implemented by the surrounding adults. You soon learnt that hitting or screaming in order to get your way was a no-no. It then reached a point of choice and active thinking - perhaps 'creative thinking' would be a more apt term. But when? At what stage did you begin to refer to your own developing super-ego and rely less on the instruction of adults? There are rules to follow wherever you go yet it quickly became a matter of what you could get away with i.e. not getting caught. Who really sticks to the rules completely and utterly anyway?

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: mistakes are inevitable; a very important factor of life, in fact, due to what we glean from said mistakes. I recently made a succession of these in relation to a relationship that I was involved in and it really opened my eyes to the fact that I haven't been using my head. Up until this point I have been hijacked by emotions and using them as an excuse to shrug off my behaviours as depression. This, I decided, is unacceptable. Actions have consequences - it doesn't take a genius to deduce such. The impact of this statement, however, has hit me in a mildly uncomfortable manner, hence: start putting some thought into what I am about to do rather than simply acting on my every emotional whim and dwelling on the consequences later. Happiness in the moment is only that after all: a moment. Whilst fun and sometimes necessary to "live in the moment", it is not the answer to what we're all apparently searching for. I was often left wondering when and where exactly I was going to stumble across this surely mythical creature referred to as "happiness"...I have taken a step back from what I wanted to be doing (living on my own, in Glasgow, job, uni, boyfriend, social life, other things, trying to make it all work for me despite the fact that it just wasn't) and have decided that I really have no clue what I want. So, here I am being sensible for a change and accepting help when offered: doing what is actually good for me and removing financial and emotional pressures (with the much appreciated help of my dad!)

Anyway, I believe I have gone off track and this has been such a frustrating blog to write that I don't even know where the track is going any more so...Oh! What is this warm delectable liquid I hold in a mug (brought to me by my little brother)?! - Teeea :)

A blog about blogging...(and creation)

...since I'm relatively new to the whole scene.

I have spent the last hour or so exploring templates and layouts and backgrounds and html codes (which I do not understand at all by the way) and have come to the conclusion that since my writing style is somewhat all over the place, I will keep other matters simple. For now.

A Justification of Creation

I find it strange that we often need to justify our thoughts and actions by telling others about them. Why, when you create something, do you need the attention of others to make it a substantial piece of work? The actual creation process is, after all, the most important part of whatever it may be that you spend your moments working on! It is a mode of expression and growth in which you can explore your (or someone’s) thoughts and emotions on a particular subject, perhaps document an event that occurred, and reflect upon what you have learnt...but why also feel the need to put yourself out there and let others know about your growth? Surely it is a personal thing? (Unless, however, your point is to raise an issue and in turn, awareness on a specific topic).

Take poetry for example. It marks moments through history. Love and war and social change, revolutions and the perspectives of literary greats: those who have manipulated language so eloquently, poignantly and to the point where today we can still experience their moments as if they were our own, yet through our own interpretation. When I write a poem it begins as a simple idea, usually a word or a theme which I jot down and come back to later. I prefer to write when I am experiencing a build up of emotions as the result of focusing those directly onto something other than the build up itself is far more satisfying than dwelling on your problems. On completion (as complete as a poem can be at a given time) I generally like to gather opinions and thoughts on what I have written and like to think I do so to make me better. It is also nice, however, to receive praise and acknowledgement of a talent...

http://stephactually.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2vj0re - Here is one I wrote when feeling particularly frustrated and wound up. The subject matter for the poem was inspired by, not only my own observations, but of others around me, relating to a family who stumbled into the small café where I was working. They clearly had issues, but it was in those moments where the little girl - about five or six - would catch my eye with a quick nervous glance, that I felt truly touched. I wonder about her situation and about her as a tiny little person; what she likes doing, what she even gets to do and where she might end up. I could hardly address her parents (assuming that they were) and tell them to stop hurting that innocent little girl with the big brown curious (bruised) eyes, or pick her up and never let them have her back. It may have been what I felt like doing, but I couldn't. So instead I held on to those moments and I wrote. As for what the poem achieved in relation to my wound up state of frustration at the time - completely unrelated to the subject matter considering that it was quite some months later - I came back to the idea, focused my energies into telling at least a part of her sad story and created something touching and eye opening.

In general terms, when I write a poem I want to put it out there to be viewed so that others can get from my work what I get from that of others! I also hope to better my writing style and maybe, just maybe, some day become one of those greats who provided the world with some pretty unique and inspiring outlooks on life. If not, I really just enjoy the hell out of writing...

So, creation in relation to blogging: I was at a loss as to where to start my blog-matter. I didn't want it to be too personal, as in, a blow by blow account of my every movement throughout my day - that would just be boring: today I was rudely awoken by road works. I had tea and some smoked sausage and oat cakes for breakfast. I hoovered a lot, did some general housework. I showered. Went for lunch with dad (which was lovely by the way) and now here I am. Boring. I decided to think about the purpose of blogging and what I would enjoy reading...I was then filled with a whole lot of self doubt in considering who would actually care what I have to say about...anything! Hence, my first real blog is really just a self justification of why I am doing it in the first place. But the fact is, the world is a smaller place thanks to the inter-webs. It is easier to share experiences, thoughts and ideas and gain insight, relate to them or even just appreciate them because they are there. After all, what would Shakespeare or Wordsworth do if they were here now? Probably not fanny about on Facebook for a whole day, yet they went to university 'to read' and they published papers and poetry and plays to socialise and share ideas; an aspect of life that is made easier today by the medium of internet. Facebook and blogging: the university of life...? Maybe not, but I like to think that I am doing something substantial with my time!

Dedication: to Edwin Morgan who was Scotland's national poet. I only recently found out he passed away in 2010 and was greatly saddened by the news. His work is a massive inspiration to me and how I develop my own poetry as he had such a realistic view of the world. I particularly loved how he noted certain experiences with focused judgement on society, yet held his hands up and basically said 'I would have thought/said/done the same - my bad - we're only human after all.' He appreciated all things science and technology based (dabbling in the world of sci-fi fantasy) and I believe had he been my age today he would have been a keen blogger!

I am ridiculously glad that his memory can live on  - http://www.edwinmorgan.com/


...mmm, tea

Hallaaa!

I shall begin by telling you that this is my official introduction to the world of blogging, something that I have intended to do since the ripe age of about twelve when I first dabbled in creative writing. In hind sight I am incredibly glad I did not inflict my "skills" upon others before now, it would've only been embarrassing. Seriously, I had a mild obsession with Hanson and was a pubescent and hormonal drama queen! I still have my old journals: embarrassing.

Anyway...some things you might like to know: my name is Stephanie and I have managed to stay alive for 20 years! Accomplishment? Yes...but I do happen to have a few others under my belt so we will get to that later (if I am able to maintain your interest). I suppose I am funny variety of human being, often described by my nearest and dearest as strange or weird - but in a good way! Mustn’t overlook that! So; strange, weird and perhaps a little annoying yet...endearing? I have deduced that such attributes have been given to me due to my highly animated personality, mild lack of inhibition and general clumsy demeanour, all of which equals a mystery bag of nonsense and nonsensical Stephanie behaviours! Sometimes. I can also be quite serious and am, on occasion, instructed to 'chill out'. Basically, I'm a little manic.

In terms of what to look forward to in relation to my blog (besides my obvious wit and infectious banter) I have a variety of interests. Whilst studying English & Sociology at university, I spend my time mostly in Aberdeen, Glasgow and Shetland and spend my thoughts mostly on...what to write about. I love reading and particularly enjoy writing the odd poem and song here and there. My guitar contributes to this endeavour and often accompanies me to open mic nights in Glasgow (so far). I am a fan of music and films and tea and I have a focused interest on people and relationships and relationships between people and groups and people and things and people and other people...I am also rather passionate about matters relating to fashion and...environmental issues (instilled in me from my days as Scotland's Earth Champion of 2002, woo, more on that later!)

So, yes. I have many ideas and plenty of words that I plan to share with you (whoever you are, kind person taking the time to read this!) After all, sharing is caring so lets drink some tea and stuff...

Byeee!